Thursday, 29 October 2009
FILM 6: GIGLI - BEST FILM EVER
Calling all amateur screenwriters and filmmakers.
I urge you to watch Gigli. If you ever doubt your ability to write dialogue, or shoot an interesting scene, or pull together a story that is in any way interesting or coherant, watch this film. Watch this film, watch this film and feel happy that no matter what ordure you've hammered out with your fists at 4 in the morning while off your face sniffing lighter fluid, you will still never manage to create something as amazingly, stunningly awful as this absolute abortion of a film. This 2 hour film of phenomonally offensive monologues and dreary, depressing imagery. It's like being the world's shittest zeppelin pilot, watching the Hindenburg footage over and over again.
Oh, you've heard about how bad this film is. You've read from this very blog about how bad this film is. But you know nothing. You have no idea. Walk up to someone who has seen this, and look into their eyes. They'll have a 1000 mile stare that 10 years in 'Nam can't even touch. After 2 hours of this, you'll hate the English language itself, never mind your own genitals.
I didn't know it was possible to feel like this. And I've had root canal surgery with no anaesthetic.