Thursday, 29 October 2009


If you want to make a film about prostitution, at least have the guts to say the word. Don't make your lead female a "professional interventionist who never sleeps with clients". Pretty Woman wasn't exactly a gritty expose of the sex worker industry, but then it also didn't have a scene where Zooey Deschanel gives mouth-to-mouth to a bird she shot.

Funnily enough, I was enjoying it in a weird way for the first 50 minutes, until the standard "he finds out about the ploy' ploy and they split up even though they love each other" and it went all 'serious'. By serious, I mean a montage where both protagonists stare meaningfully into the distance in a series of slow zooms. This appeared to be unironic.

This situation escalates until the kooky friends arrange for SJP and MM to get locked in a room together until they make up their differences. Yes, someone actually wrote this, even though they did it in the Simpsons 15 years ago.

"I never meant to hurt you".

"Before I met you I never realised how unhappy I am".

Did I mention that the kooky friends set up webcams and hooked it up to a massive screen in a cafe and everybody in the cafe watched them making up while commentating and cheering? They were speaking for us, the audience, do you see? Aaaaaah.

The plot of this film is basically "men may enjoy going out every day with their friends rock-climbing and water-skiing and getting bitten by chipmunks, but what they REALLY want is to shack up with a horse-faced emotionally manipulative lying kookster". Which is definitely true.
Yeah, I was getting worried about enjoying it a bit, but luckily it snatched defeat from the jaws of victory and turned out to be a truly awful film, phew! One down, 22 and a half hours left to go.

I'm going to go to the toilet.

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